The Sh!t That Comes Out of My Mouth

Some how I don’t ever expect to have a collection of The Wit and Wisdom of Me.  First, much of it would have to be edited for profanity and that just takes the flavor away.  I learned from some of the best (read most profane) men in the field.  Second, I believe I amuse myself more than others most of the time.  Finally, I’m not sure how much wisdom there would be stuffed into the pages.  Really, most of what I do is pass on nuggets that I picked up along the way.

A teaching moment…

I was a young Corporal in the Army.  Hardcore, fit, motivated and always trying to be first at everything.  The battalion was out training on Fort Bragg, night land navigation course in preparation for an upcoming evaluation.  Just before dawn, I came charging out of a Carolina draw, filled with stumps and blackberry vines that would have stopped a Hummer.  Command Sergeant Major Zelka was standing there waiting for me with a hot cup of coffee in his hand.  My uniform was dirty and torn.  I looked like I tried to stop the worlds largest cat fight and just gotten mauled.

“Corporal Monahan,” He said with patient exasperation, “do you know the difference between hard and stupid?”

I completely missed it.  “No, Sergeant Major.”

“When you figure it out, let me know,” as he watched the Sergeant coming in second behind me, walking down the center of the road.


In the same vein, I was talking to my eldest child.  The apple of my eye was explaining why college was unnecessary because she is smart enough.  Going to college is just a waste of time and money, sitting in a classroom listening to people talk for hours about something that could be covered in about fifteen minutes.  “Yes, Honey.  You’re pretty smart.  It runs in the family.” I replied modestly. “But, there’s a difference between smart and educated.”

It doesn’t happen often, but sometimes the shit that comes out of my mouth actually makes sense.

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