Yes, folks that miraculous and elusive skill that so many men over forty seek and fail to find. We sell it for the low price of a few bottles of snake oil and Professor Feelgood’s tonic. Installments of finger and toes or a lump sum payment of an arm and a leg.

Instead of stopping by my shop, go visit Prof Philo’s shop selling puff pastries and Common Sense pills. I hear he’s thinking about adding potpourri and perfume. If he succeeds, maybe he can come up with a spray like Fabreeze. The possibilities are endless.

Daily writing prompt

If you were going to open up a shop, what would you sell?

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I don’t want to make big changes in the world, just do a little good now and then. Maybe make someone chuckle with my obscure view. Like a cat video, watching a kitten do something stupid just to see if they can.

I don’t expect to make an impact. I just want to get a laugh now and then.

Daily writing prompt

What change, big or small, would you like your blog to make in the world?

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If I had to guess, I would say pointing out pointless, indefinable things. What yard stick do we really use to say we are happy? Is it just a giddy feeling from a small accomplishment, that flees as soon as it is over? Can it be more complex and lasting? WTF is happy?

If you actually follow my writing, you may recall that I was shocked to find myself happy for no reason a year or so ago. I was just driving down the road and it happened. If I had been driving with a jealous girlfriend, it would probably have gone badly.

“What are you smiling about?”

“I don’t know. I’m just happy for some reason.”

“OH? And I’m supposed to believe that? What’s her name?” It may help to insert some fantasy name or coworker here. “You have a smile on your face like a fat man eating BBQ.”

The smile slips off my face as fast it appeared, but I know why this time.

Fortunately, I have a significant other who wants to know what kind of trouble I’m dreaming up and if we need an alibi. That makes me happy.

People who get my crazy make me happy.

I’ve been trying to learn to play golf for over 35 years and still haven’t figured it out. I mean, how hard can it be to hit a ball that isn’t moving? Even worse, every now and then, I actually do hit it right and it goes where I want it to. I make a few pars and bogeys, then it’s right back to normal.

I stands to reason than it was invented in a country that invented bagpipes and haggis. Such cruel and intentional self-abuse can only come from the Scots. They probably invented snowball fights. I don’t even want to think about where kilts came from. Who in their right minds would wear a skirt on an island in the North Sea?

At least Domino’s delivers.

Daily writing prompt

Was today typical?

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If you are a Doctor Who fan, you recognize the quote. I confess to stealing it. When I think about traveling to the future, I always think about the slow way around. Day by day.

Personally, it is the small moments that I remember. The clips of time that would fall on the cutting room floor if you were editing my life. There are some major events that always stand out, for good or bad. Weddings, children born, deaths of friends and family. But the small points around them are more profound. I can’t remember my vows, but I remember sitting at the head table and kissing my wife and feeling the weight of her being my wife. Seeing my daughter and falling in love after she was born, not the hustle of the birth.

My travel plans for the future are simple. I’m going to take the slow way around and savor the moments that get passed over but mean so much. Maybe we can meet up during a round of golf and laugh about our faults and terrible swing.

Daily writing prompt

What are your future travel plans?

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Well, maybe that’s too blunt. More like, recognize that there are things that aren’t your business. Our desire for intrusion into the personal lives of others and forcing their personal lives on others. There is a point to having private things in our lives. It’s even simple: It’s none of your business!

It’s nice to care about others and be aware of their special needs, but there is no reason for their needs to supersede privacy and personal conduct. If rude speech can be considered harassment, why isn’t it harassment to dictate speech? If I dislike a person because the way they act, why can’t I express it? Is it because I’m insensitive? Of course I am. Because I don’t care about people unless I actually care about them. If I try to be cordial and polite, and someone finds fault with it, should I feel bad? No, and I don’t.

I learned to close off my emotions at a very young age. I perfected it over forty years of seeing more pain and suffering than most people. I couldn’t afford to feel anything. I lack the emotional bandwidth. If I don’t care about others, they don’t need to care about me.

So, butt out. How I think, feel and act is none of your business.

Daily writing prompt

What would you change about modern society?

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It would make you laugh, and cry and bang your head or slam-dance. My love life would be a laugh track from a cheesy 1980’s sitcom. Most of my hobbies would do well with a slapstick reel. Don’t even think about family reunions, banjos would be the least of it. Dancing? I don’t. You’ll thank me later.

Now work, that’s another subject. Heavy metal and thrash or speed metal. Angry music. Metalica and Disturbed hammering out a beat and scream singing, with explosions and sirens blaring in the background. Motorcycles roaring and salsa with pretty girls dancing on the bar. I had a lot of fun at work. Throw in some rowdy country music and me yelling, “Hey guys, watch this.” and a few yee-haws to make it feel authentic.

Daily writing prompt

What do you listen to while you work?

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The first time it happened, I didn’t even notice. Something that had never really interested me before took away my sense of time and place. An unexpected journey caught me walking out my front door, unaware. Since then, I was enraptured and dying of thirst. I just blank out mesmerized by printed words on paper or a computer screen. My sense of adventure and need to learn still drive me. My girlfriend is very understanding. She can even joke if we are on the phone and I go silent, she asks what I’m reading. I’m so predictable. The only thing that I collect more of than books is ammo. I buy in bulk, practice is expensive.

Of course, seeing my girlfriend naked has the same effect but that’s not for public consumption. I just hope you have someone who has the same effect on you.

Daily writing prompt

Which activities make you lose track of time?

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In today’s society of victim privilege, we have started apologizing for what people choose to hear instead of what was actually said. Cries of; “What did you say?” or “Did you assume my gender?”, ring out self-righteous indignation and victim banner waiving. I have stopped saying no one cares. Now, I just respond for myself. I don’t care.

There appears to be an art to misinterpreting what others say, maximizing the offense you can extract from a statement. Cries against my insensitivity fall on deaf ears. I don’t care what you think of me, no matter how loud you scream. The worst part is the double standards applied. In the same breath that I am called a racist and male oppressor, they point to statistics of race and gender statistics to justify their position. Believe the science followed by gender is a feeling.

I can’t imagine a person surviving being that sensitive to everything. It brings out my Darwinian side, if you’re too week to survive masculinity, maybe it’s just natural selection. If the world is so scary you don’t know if you want to have children, don’t.

Just don’t expect me to accept your definition of reality.

Daily writing prompt

What bothers you and why?

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I can just see myself zooming over traffic with my girlfriend by my side, laughing and smiling, blasting the radio on our way to the local drive in! It will be after I have my rejuvenation, so I’ll look a dashing twenty something but have a good job. And, you know us guys, as long as she looks good, I don’t care about the rest. No blondes! I still have some standards.

Why can’t we have them now? Well, first we need to get rid of the Aviation Safety board and cut back on some rules. Why can’t I just take a test and have some bored, distracted underpaid drone check off that I demonstrated the minimum necessary skills to launch a two-thousand-pound hammer into the air with sufficient power to maintain flight. Forget the danger F=MA and how many small planes crash through houses now. This is the future! I want to fly now!

DUI? I think not, Officer! I was flying!

All you plebian ants still plodding along in cars, don’t look up. I’m bringing my pet cow.

Daily writing prompt

What are you most excited about for the future?

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