I’ve been trying to learn to play golf for over 35 years and still haven’t figured it out. I mean, how hard can it be to hit a ball that isn’t moving? Even worse, every now and then, I actually do hit it right and it goes where I want it to. I make a few pars and bogeys, then it’s right back to normal.

I stands to reason than it was invented in a country that invented bagpipes and haggis. Such cruel and intentional self-abuse can only come from the Scots. They probably invented snowball fights. I don’t even want to think about where kilts came from. Who in their right minds would wear a skirt on an island in the North Sea?

At least Domino’s delivers.