I’ve been trying to learn to play golf for over 35 years and still haven’t figured it out. I mean, how hard can it be to hit a ball that isn’t moving? Even worse, every now and then, I actually do hit it right and it goes where I want it to. I make a few pars and bogeys, then it’s right back to normal.
I stands to reason than it was invented in a country that invented bagpipes and haggis. Such cruel and intentional self-abuse can only come from the Scots. They probably invented snowball fights. I don’t even want to think about where kilts came from. Who in their right minds would wear a skirt on an island in the North Sea?
If you are a Doctor Who fan, you recognize the quote. I confess to stealing it. When I think about traveling to the future, I always think about the slow way around. Day by day.
Personally, it is the small moments that I remember. The clips of time that would fall on the cutting room floor if you were editing my life. There are some major events that always stand out, for good or bad. Weddings, children born, deaths of friends and family. But the small points around them are more profound. I can’t remember my vows, but I remember sitting at the head table and kissing my wife and feeling the weight of her being my wife. Seeing my daughter and falling in love after she was born, not the hustle of the birth.
My travel plans for the future are simple. I’m going to take the slow way around and savor the moments that get passed over but mean so much. Maybe we can meet up during a round of golf and laugh about our faults and terrible swing.
Well, maybe that’s too blunt. More like, recognize that there are things that aren’t your business. Our desire for intrusion into the personal lives of others and forcing their personal lives on others. There is a point to having private things in our lives. It’s even simple: It’s none of your business!
It’s nice to care about others and be aware of their special needs, but there is no reason for their needs to supersede privacy and personal conduct. If rude speech can be considered harassment, why isn’t it harassment to dictate speech? If I dislike a person because the way they act, why can’t I express it? Is it because I’m insensitive? Of course I am. Because I don’t care about people unless I actually care about them. If I try to be cordial and polite, and someone finds fault with it, should I feel bad? No, and I don’t.
I learned to close off my emotions at a very young age. I perfected it over forty years of seeing more pain and suffering than most people. I couldn’t afford to feel anything. I lack the emotional bandwidth. If I don’t care about others, they don’t need to care about me.
So, butt out. How I think, feel and act is none of your business.
It would make you laugh, and cry and bang your head or slam-dance. My love life would be a laugh track from a cheesy 1980’s sitcom. Most of my hobbies would do well with a slapstick reel. Don’t even think about family reunions, banjos would be the least of it. Dancing? I don’t. You’ll thank me later.
Now work, that’s another subject. Heavy metal and thrash or speed metal. Angry music. Metalica and Disturbed hammering out a beat and scream singing, with explosions and sirens blaring in the background. Motorcycles roaring and salsa with pretty girls dancing on the bar. I had a lot of fun at work. Throw in some rowdy country music and me yelling, “Hey guys, watch this.” and a few yee-haws to make it feel authentic.
The first time it happened, I didn’t even notice. Something that had never really interested me before took away my sense of time and place. An unexpected journey caught me walking out my front door, unaware. Since then, I was enraptured and dying of thirst. I just blank out mesmerized by printed words on paper or a computer screen. My sense of adventure and need to learn still drive me. My girlfriend is very understanding. She can even joke if we are on the phone and I go silent, she asks what I’m reading. I’m so predictable. The only thing that I collect more of than books is ammo. I buy in bulk, practice is expensive.
Of course, seeing my girlfriend naked has the same effect but that’s not for public consumption. I just hope you have someone who has the same effect on you.
In today’s society of victim privilege, we have started apologizing for what people choose to hear instead of what was actually said. Cries of; “What did you say?” or “Did you assume my gender?”, ring out self-righteous indignation and victim banner waiving. I have stopped saying no one cares. Now, I just respond for myself. I don’t care.
There appears to be an art to misinterpreting what others say, maximizing the offense you can extract from a statement. Cries against my insensitivity fall on deaf ears. I don’t care what you think of me, no matter how loud you scream. The worst part is the double standards applied. In the same breath that I am called a racist and male oppressor, they point to statistics of race and gender statistics to justify their position. Believe the science followed by gender is a feeling.
I can’t imagine a person surviving being that sensitive to everything. It brings out my Darwinian side, if you’re too week to survive masculinity, maybe it’s just natural selection. If the world is so scary you don’t know if you want to have children, don’t.
Just don’t expect me to accept your definition of reality.
I can just see myself zooming over traffic with my girlfriend by my side, laughing and smiling, blasting the radio on our way to the local drive in! It will be after I have my rejuvenation, so I’ll look a dashing twenty something but have a good job. And, you know us guys, as long as she looks good, I don’t care about the rest. No blondes! I still have some standards.
Why can’t we have them now? Well, first we need to get rid of the Aviation Safety board and cut back on some rules. Why can’t I just take a test and have some bored, distracted underpaid drone check off that I demonstrated the minimum necessary skills to launch a two-thousand-pound hammer into the air with sufficient power to maintain flight. Forget the danger F=MA and how many small planes crash through houses now. This is the future! I want to fly now!
DUI? I think not, Officer! I was flying!
All you plebian ants still plodding along in cars, don’t look up. I’m bringing my pet cow.
He said he was the master of the four string, and I needed a base player for the ensemble. I should have known. I could have at least used a Yuki Lele like a gimmick or something. Instead, I got a Hillbilly with bad breath.
Stupid prompt.
Daily writing prompt
What could you let go of, for the sake of harmony?
Bored Gen-X kids come up with the best ideas! Everybody knows it. They got locked outside for the day and had to entertain themselves. By the time they can drive, the best ones rise, like cream to the top. Hurricane season? Cool, plan parties on the beach, watch the storm roll in, find someone with a fake I.D. to buy the beer. Bonus points for mattress surfing! If you’re close enough to the beach, wait until summer and lure tourists into rip tides and shark beds. Plan it out and sell chances for date of attacks, throw a fish-fry at the close of the season to announce the winner.
What’s that? You say you don’t live near a beach but that sounds good? Well, those feral Floridian Gen-Xers have the answer. Fuck Around and Find out! That’s right. FAFO! You thought it was just a drunk redneck saying, but it’s a game too. Now you can play, too! It’s Easy!
Print out the wheels, paste them on a picket board and spin away! If that’s too much work, throw dice, or pin the tail on the get-a-way. No need to decide where you’re going or what you’re doing. Just follow the wheel blindly and off you go. That’s right, you can go to Disney and donate your liver to a healthy ocean ecology. Not a fan of the mouse. Try Myrtle Beach and mix golf and Boogey Boards! Texas BBQ and spear fishing in the Gulf!
That’s right! Fuck Around and Find Out! Brought to you by Shark Week and Friends of Thinning the Herd.
(This product is not intended for use and is meant as a joke. If you’re not smart enough to figure that out, please play immediately and leave the gene-pool.)
I enjoy good movie quote, like the smell of napalm in the morning. The sad thing is, I haven’t even become an authority in quotes. I mean nothing. I’m pretty good with quotes from authors and philosophers, but a third grader could whip me in bible quotes. I’ve gotten pretty good a few jobs over the years. Even been promoted to supervisor and manager, trusted with teaching others. It’s terrifying the amount of trust people have put in me. Forty years of leadership training and experience. I wouldn’t trust me with a boy scout troop. Who knows what they would learn.
The phrasing of the question suggests authority is used in place of expert. The same applies. I have learned a few things though.
1- Anyone claiming to be an authority, isn’t. They have usually closed their minds and can’t be convinced anyone else can match their knowledge.
2- Expertise in one area doesn’t qualify you as an expert in anything else. At the most you can have an educated opinion, not even that in most cases.
3- Once you believe you are an authority in anything, you stop learning and growing. Why should you if you always know everything there is to know?
4- Lastly, most people who are well educated in a field and still searching for more knowledge are the last to speak and the first to ask questions.
I am not an authority and don’t know anyone who is.
The New Word Wars 